Sayaka Miki/Octavia von Seckendroff. This was the first kintype I realized, and one of my strongest. She's... Interesting. Due to the nature of Madoka Magica, I think I'm from multiple timelines, or maybe all of them? Especially the main one, Wraith Arc, and one with a noncanon love of mine. I was so bright-eyed and hopeful, full of love and yet so full of scorn. There was so much in my bones I took out on those witches, never once stopping to care about what it was doing to my soul. All that mattered is that I was helping people, even though my heart ached to be human again, to be with Kyousuke, but even he faded into the background. I resented him, in a way. I healed him, and while it was a secret, I got no thanks... He never looked my way. But then I would hate myself for wanting that praise, cyclically feeding into itself. And then... The fight with Elsa Maria. My soul gem blackened fully, and on the ride home, I couldn't hold it in anymore. The despair, the corruption clouding my Soul Gem. I just snapped.
And the scariest part? It was euphoric being Octavia. I could hear every last plea for me to come back. I killed Kyouko. And I didn't care. There was nothing but the relief. I was screaming to be heard and finally, finally I was free. My nature was one of love. And I felt that love so intensely, it would kill anyone, rip them apart from the inside out. Every last thing I worried about in my life fell away. Sometimes... I wish I could go back.

Ai Hoshino. This one is bittersweet. I'd never felt love my whole life, at least, I didn't think I could. Turns out, so much of what I'd done was love. Wanting my fans to feel loved and cared for, wanting to keep being an idol, wanting to care for B-Komachi, taking care of Ruby and Aquamarine as intensely as I tried to, that... Was all love. And... I only realized it when I was dying.
I miss Ruby and Aqua. They were my whole world. I wish I could've given them a better life, seen all their firsts... But I will always, always love them. I will always be proud of them. They deserve that much. My heart aches for Aqua. And Ruby's idol career makes me proud. Reading the manga has to be done in short bursts before I miss those two far too much for my poor heart to take.
I miss B-Komachi, too. I hope wherever they are, they're doing well.

Big and Will Be Bad Wolf. This one is a super doozy! I was an abnormality! Not even the last time, I did this twice!! Twice!! Memories of this one are kind of scarce. I guess that's the abnormality-ism? A lot of what I remember of the forest was trying to make friends, feeling an insane, nauseous hunger... And then I would wake up alone, covered in blood. I knew what I did. I always knew. Because I would always be a big, bad wolf. My relationship with Little Red was very much what it was in the game: We would fight any time we came across each other. We would always walk away unsatisfied, licking our wounds. Each time I wished she would win. So I could finally end my role as the villain. Because nobody asks to be born a wolf. Wolves are always bad. Wolves are always hungry, evil, heartless. And I was no different, no matter how much I wanted to be.
As for my life in the containment unit, it was pretty nice. I actually liked it a lot. When I wasn't breaching, I was safe and fed and regularly interacted with. It was everything I wanted, even if it was cramped. :)
The book sucked, though. It was back to that damn forest, being nothing but cruel and empty. And then I got BEATEN UP!!!!
Given Binah and Gebura are both in this system, it's a little weird for us. Binah likes to poke and prod at me and my brain, since Big and Will Be Bad Wolf was extracted from her. It doesn't elucidate much, but she likes being a NUISANCE. +

The Queen of Hatred. I never did anything wrong in this life EVER. Except for the murders, which were done because I had no evil to vanquish and I had to make sure that there was still a reason for me to exist and that everyone knew that I was a good guy and saving them from all this evil. ANYWAY!!!

My life as a magical girl was pretty great! I loved working with my beloved senpais. And then... Everything changed. Something happened to us all, and... we became different. Consumed. The cracks in our hearts were infiltrated, and slowly, slowly broke open, piece by piece, until we were unrecognizable monsters. I guess... I was lucky that I at least was able to help sometimes. I wasn't always lucid, but when I was, I fought my hardest for those agents. I loved them too. And I hated them, too, but that was only when I wasn't. Myself. Or maybe I was more myself than I'd ever been. I still find myself oscillating so rapidly between love and hate, useful and unusable, hurt and happy, loved and loney so quickly in this life that it was really easy clicking with this specific kintype. For better or worse.
Anyway, I still maintain I did nothing wrong EVER. Fuck those clerks.

Isara. I feel really, really weird about this one. I'm still gathering my feelings about it. Cute and mischievous, though! Made my relationship with Madame Dronya a lot more interesting. Heh. Regardless, I think the more I learn about her, the more connected I'll feel. I know she's not alive anymore, but. I have a lot of scattered notions and mental images regarding me and Velnya. Specifically a lot of girls' nights and stolen kisses, teasing her. Plotting over Baba Yaga. She and I were quite cute, I think. ;)
In the here and now, I think I drive her up a wall because I am still irresistible, but I am also way more unhinged and also a cowboy hitman hunk that is even MORE of a teasing, touchy annoyance. Cheers!

Fluffy Calico Cat. This one's a theriotype! So it's not any cat in particular, I'm just kitty. No memories for this one, since it's just what my soul kind of is. Kittyshape. :3
This one's probably the most important because it's prominent in even my day to day life! I want kitty ears and tail so bad and it is CRUEL I can't purr. I should be climbing in laps and meowing so so sweetly (loudly) and falling asleep over my favorite humans. But also, kittymoding is so incredibly comforting when I'm sad or lonely and euphoric when I'm happy. Yippee!

Side image photo by Gryffyn M. on Unsplash.

The Lonely. Wow, Mama, you get to be an entity, too? Why, yes!
Being The Lonely was, well. Lonely. There was an endless longing in me, in my 'bones', if you can even call it that, to become one with others, to bring them to me, to envelop them into myself. To make myself less lonely? Or perhaps, I couldn't stand seeing others have... Well, others.
Or maybe I was just hungry.
I wanted to be all anyone ever had. I wanted to draw people into my fog, to touch their heart and souls, to other them to everyone. It wasn't right, but at the same time I feel like I may have never been smarter than an animal. I was simply... A concept. I was worshipped, but only by those who were ruined by me. Sometimes, I still feel the desire to take those around me all for myself, or to simply walk into the foggy woods and dissipate into the mist. Maybe one day I'll succumb to the desire to envelop my loved ones in fog sometime. Bonding time where you're stuck in my mist for hours. Like a cosmic horror snuggle.

Side image photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.